Here we go again...

“Have you ever wondered why it is we fall in love? Can you tell me? Do you know what it is we’re looking for? Why do we need? Can you tell me why I care? How is it that we heed that voice that says ‘I want you there’?” –Amiel, Love Song

I feel anger, jealousy, unstableness, envy, fear, sadness, lust, rage and self-hatred all built into the one emotion. In any logical mind, this crazy emotion that causes pain and emotional death would be regarded as something to be feared, something to be hated. But only our human minds could slap a happy façade on it and call it love.

Lol, well isn’t it funny? I write a piece on how moving on is a good thing and how it should be done and so on; and here I am turning on myself and defining hypocrite. There are some things we just can’t let go of, no matter how hard we try. I guess this means that these things are the most important in our life, so I guess we should treasure them. But that, as we all know, is not always the case.

Isn’t the human condition funny? Like they say in Minority Report, “when the chips are down, and all bets are off; all living creatures are interested in one thing and one thing only…its own survival”. When worst comes to worst, I know I only think of myself. I don’t think of the pain im causing others with the things is say, I don’t care about anything except what I want.

It’s the craving that never stops; it’s the goal of the path, the end of the journey. It’s the horizon, always there but always out of reach. Always far away. But when you get angry at somebody for admiring the sunset like you do, then you know you’re in too deep.

I feel old emotions coming back to me, the old emotions of jelousy and anger over the same problem; the same situation. I feel hatred and disgust of myself, and others. I feel; and that is usually something celebrated.

The happiness involved with love is the tip of the iceberg. The 10% that shows above water, the part that people see. The other 90% reveals humans as we really are; a jealous, angry, vile, backstabbing race that’s only wish is the betterment of the individual. Why did communism fail? We only want what’s good for ourselves; we can’t think as a symbiotic species, we went built that way. We weren’t built as machines, we were built with emotions. Powerful emotions. Emotion is what causes hurt in the world. Emotion is what causes hurt in me.

And in the end lol, emotion is what causes me to cause hurt in others. Ironic.

Here's to Moving On *clink*

"Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness" --The Matrix Reloaded

I have trouble letting things go. Its one of my vices I guess lol. I dunno, I guess im just always hoping for more. Lol, I try to stay out of reality if I can; much more interesting. But I guess I try and hold onto my hope, and I guess this is the reason for everyone else as well, is that we find it hard to try and live without the thing we want. And so we hold onto that hope; living out little scenarios in our heads of better times and different circumstances. Its funny, I can see bad points in her; its not like I think she’s perfect or anything. That might be the reason that I feel this way, imperfection. But lets move off that lol, the point is that I can see that she isn’t perfect. But I cant let her go lol, it’s a very sad thing let me tell you.

Theres nothing I can do now; not to help my situation nor satisfy whatever dreams I might belive in. Until I really see that, I don’t think I’ll ever let her go. I’m not going to do anything stupid, im past that, its down to a matter of endurance.

Hope is funny, we need it to fuel our minds; otherwise we collapse into nothingness. I mean, how can we function without a goal? A dream? We need something to strive to achieve, something to wish for. To long for. It’s what not only makes us human, but what we need as much as we do air and water.

And yet hope does its fair share of stupid things. It makes us believe things that aren’t real. It throws off our senses and takes us on ‘the scenic route’ of life. It also slams us down when our dreams go unfulfilled. I mean, what’s worse then believing something can happen and then having it blow up in your face. That’s when the bad hope starts, the hope to regain what you have lost. The hope im plagued with.

Which brings me back to moving on. We don’t like doing it for many reasons; its almost like giving up. Giving up on something we’ve believed in and hoped for and put so much effort into only to be let out to sea. So much effort, yet we concrete its feet and chuck it out to sea. How does that make us feel? Like we’re changing, and change can be a hard thing. “Everything that has a beginning has an end”, and people have trouble with that when they’re life is ‘perfect’.

“Everything has a beginning has an end”, the one rule of life. This one rule can make us scared, happy, fearful, angry. It can make us scream “unfair!”; it can make us think of the future; it can make us think of the past.

It can give us hope.

Adolecence and Quatum Physics (Why Not!)

"The vanity of the sciences. Physical science will not console me for the ignorance of morality in the time of affliction. But the science of ethics will always console me for the ignorance of the physical sciences." -- Blaise Pascal

You know what’s funny about teenagers? How much they depend on one another. There is no way that a teenager can make his/her way through puberty without somebody else as a soundboard. As individualistic as we THINK we are; we’re nothing but herd animals. We need other people like we need air.

It’s a hard time for most; its just the tough transition to adulthood I guess. The ‘loss of innocence’. It’s a hard thing for most to swallow. Everyone needs outlets, somebody to just let it all out to. We all have them, those people who we hold dear enough to listen to the crap we put out. The crazy things we say and do, the beautiful things we create through self-expression, the anger we express; these soundboards bear us while trying to support themselves.

I guess I speak as a soundboard and as somebody who makes the sound. We all are. We all support somebody; even if we don’t think so. And we all take refuge in others, even if we think we don’t. It’s the only way to make it though life.

I think the most important thing is not to just listen to what the other person is saying, reassure, and then go on about ourselves. It’s instrumental to out understanding of each other that we LISTEN to each other. You can always learn things from them, so listen. And don’t feel obliged to offer advice; its better you give none at all if you don’t know what you’re talking about. Just be that soundboard.

To me, quantum physics is the closest thing that science gets to religion, and that’s a good thing. Its all about belief. Quantum physics is the study of small molecules like protons, neutrons electrons (and the things that make THEM! Quarks, gluons and strings).

The reason it’s so profound is that it starts to prove the existence of a Divine. While theories like Einstein’s and Newtons have mathematical formulae to explain everything physical; the quantum theory states that “The movement of particles cannot be predicted” Not by equations, not by guessing; you cannot scientifically prove something is always going to happen. The idea behind that is that a particle could interact from another universe and knock it. Parallel universes is what Quantum physics is all about.

The best way to explain it is to use the example of a dartboard. Just pretend you through a drat and it hits the bullseye. The mathematical formulae of Newton and Einstein agree that if you throw it at exactly the same spot, with the same speed, on the same angle; you should hit the bullseye. Quantum physics says “what if a gust of wind pushes the dart off target?”

Just some food for thought ;)