Regrets

"Regrets are idle; yet history is one long regret. Everything might have turned out so differently" --Charles Dudley Warner

When something you want is just out of reach, I reckon its worse then you being far away from it. ‘Want’ is an odd feeling. It can be a great, hopeful feeling or a terrible feeling that eats away at you.

I want something I know I can never have. And it’s hard. You have visions; you play out little scenarios in your head. Live out little scenes where you get it, even when you know the facts.

And when its right there and it’s just out of reach, you think of stupid things. You think of doing impulsive actions that would have terrible implications but when you’re right there, it doesn’t seem to matter. What you want is there, and you make a choice. For me, ive always stuck to the safe road. Done the smart thing.

One day I won’t, and wether I regret it or not is something I haven’t figured out yet.

Then again, regret is something I always said was something I just didn’t have. “Regrets? Who has them? Everything happens for a reason, remember? Bad things happen so that you learn, and if you keep that in mind you should have no regrets!” Isn’t it funny how hypocritical I can be?

There is one thing, one thing that I regret. One regret, and it kills me so much that I cant even write it down! It tortures me, I always think about it. I hate myself for doing it, and even though it was a while ago it keeps coming up back to haunt me. Somebody mentions something and it reminds me.

Somebody mentioned the actual incident the other day and for the first time ever I felt what it is to be truly uncomfortable. A bad feeling; you get really hot and itchy, and your words come out mumbled and incomprehensible. Your crappy attempts at a subject change are noticeable for miles around and that just makes it worse.

Well on that happy note (lol) I’m off, but ive decided something. No matter how much you think something is out of reach, it is every persons duty to try.